I just knew I had to get out this morning. It was raining, pouring rather but it suited my mood. I wanted to run, but didn't want to get wet so I drove instead. didn't have a plan, just drove. It was one of those days I could have easily ended up in Ohio or something of the sort, but I settled for east nashville. Something about that quaint area of town always makes me feel better. I drove around listening to music, thinking, looking at adorable houses and buildings. I tried to imagine where I would end up, what I really truly wanted out of life and where I could picture myself ending up. Have you ever met those people that know exactly what they want? Where they want to buy a house, settle down, grow old and gray setting on a porch swing talking about the neighbors? I can't do that. When I start thinking that way, i start to hyperventilate. I need the freedom to run.
I am such a dreamer and such a free spirit, but I put myself in these situations to lock myself down. Why? Then I think back and i have done it as long as I can remember. I need out. I need a fresh start. I cannot ignore this desire to run. It feels like it is going to take me over. I struggle on a daily basis to take a full breath of air. I feel clausterphobic. There is not a soul in my life that understands. These feelings stay inside until they hit paper and I feel like I can release them from my brain. It is frusteration that I can't begin to put into words. I am happy. Truly. I love my kids. I love my life. But something isn't right. Not even close and I have to do something about it. I can't live this way anymore.
I am thankful I have this outlet. Without it, I don't know what I would do.
