He is peace to the wounded and help for the helpless one.

Wait patiently, upon the Lord.

When the waves rise against me and the waves try to draw me away.

I will stand on the mountain safe in your arms, I will sing.


I feel like driving. Actually today I have felt very claustrophobic. I hate that feeling. It makes me feel like I need to take a really deep breath.

It makes me feel like leaving.
Windows down, music blaring, hair down. Responsibilities left in the previous town.
I want to go somewhere new.
Quaint coffee shops, creative energy, artsy streets, bookstores, and art galleries.
It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to completely settle down and feel content.
I am blessed. I have a million and one things to be thankful for.
That is not the problem.
The issue is, I want my freedom. I have no desire to buy another house that I am tied to. I do not want to remarry anytime soon.
I didn't even want to sign a lease on my apartment.
I want to feel free. I don't want to have to explain why I feel this way sometimes.
I just do.
I have been responsible my whole life. But my entire life I have struggled with rebelling against that responsibility.
Today for example I want to drive to Asheville, NC. Alone. I want to wander down streets. I want to get lost. I want to eat dinner in a cute little restaurant. I want to get a little tipsy. I want to buy a piece of art from a local artist because it called my name.
Stay in a bed and breakfast. sleep in. write. dream.

It makes me wonder what the Lord has planned for me. He put big things inside of my heart. I know He did. I believe that is why I am not content to live a boring, life.
I want to see, explore, experience, really truly live. You know?




.

"Well it's a winding road, when your in the lost and found. You're a lover, I'm a runner and we go 'round and 'round. And I love you but I leave you, I don't want you, but I need you. I've got a gypsy soul to blame and I was born for leaving.."
Zac Brown Band

I am craving a new place. When I feel like this, it's a fire in the pit of my stomach. I just want to pick up and go. Pack the essentials, give away the rest. The ocean is in my blood and that is where my heart is. If the kids were game, we'd move back to Maui, and buy a small cottage on the beach.
An open, airy little place with big windows and a sliding glass door that opened to the warm sand and roaring sound of the ocean. I'd decorate in blues and whites, wicker furniture, and have hard wood floors. It would be covered in art with books everywhere. The kids would have the freedom to play, paint, learn, explore and enjoy life.
Every morning I would enjoy fresh Kona coffee in the sun, birds chirping, and the glorious smell of the ocean.

Jack of all trades

It's on my heart to write today. I have actually wanted to for days now but there has simply been no time to carve out to relax and write. Even now I am sitting in a cozy corner of panera wishing I could sit and do this for hours but I only have a few minutes before I meet a client and the day officially begins. I have a heavy topic on my heart today and that is being a single mom. I honestly don't think there is a more difficult job in the world. I actually love being a mom to my kids and honestly don't mind doing it alone. There are times when it would be easier to have someone at home helping me all of the time but having done both I am also thankful to be independent as well. Yesterday after I worked all day, I picked my kids up from the bus stop and took my daughter to gymnastics. While she practiced, her brother and I did homework. After a two hour practice we stopped by Kroger so I could pick up some things to make dinner. Chicken enchiladas had been requested. When we got home, we took the dogs out, I begin cooking dinner, grace took a shower then did homework. We sat down to eat as a family and talked about their day. Immediately after dinner I cleaned the kitchen, put left-overs away, packed snacks for school the next day and went through backpacks while the kids relaxed with a movie. Bedtime, teeth brushed, vitamins down, fresh water, tuck tuck and kisses. "mommy, can I have a string cheese?" "I have to go to the bathroom" " Did you sign my folder?" "My throat hurts!" "Go to sleep kids, I love you."

I love my life and truly wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

But I am also well aware that this is that hardest job and the most rewarding job I will ever have.

Pushing through the tough spots

Somedays it's easy to be positive. Other days not so much. The difficult thing is often times, circumstances haven't changed a bit but our attitude and perspective is completely different. The key in those challenging days is to not give up.
Regardless of emotions, in spite of feelings, the key is one foot in front of the other. Keep on keeping on.
Everyone would be sucessful if there were no challenging times. What seperates sucessful people from unseccessful people is the resolve to NEVER GIVE UP.
I couldn't imagine what I would do if my strength didn't come from the Lord. Nehemiah 8:10 and Isaiah 41:10. I rely on him to renew my strength like an eagle and to give me complete peace. On the days it doesn't come easily, I just keep pushing through the tough spots.
I challenge you today to keep climbing, keep running. If you can't run then at least walk, but keep moving!

What inspires you?

What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? Do you dread starting your day or are you excited about what the day will hold?
I am at a point in my life where I choose to enjoy and embrace what life has to offer. Gone are the days where I dread anything. Yes, there are things I don't want to do, conversations I do not want to have and choices that I do not want to make. But in spite of those things, I want to be where I'm at and relish life instead of dreading so much of life.
It's the little things. It's a hot cup of coffee. It's a spontaneous road trip. It's a bold move. A new business. It's quitting a job you don't like. It's removing toxic relationships. A brand new start. A new city. It's opening your heart to new friendships. Laughter. It's painting and getting messy. It's painting your nails different colors, just because you wanted to. It's dancing in front of a mirror, singing in the shower. It's enjoying your kids and then loving your free time. It's writing with abandon. It's anything done with abandon. It's saving and spending, living and most importantly loving.
It's time to stop letting life pass you by. Make some decisions. Take Risks and love your life.

Rounding a corner

Spring is coming. It HAS to be coming. I am at the point where it needs to get here, like tomorrow. I woke up this morning curled up in my bed and my room was so cold that I had no desire at all to get up. Yep ,I could have stayed in bed all day. But I didn't. I threw the covers off and pretty much ran to the coffee maker.
I trained three clients this morning and made an effort to get a decent workout in myself. It could have been better, but I am blaming it on the cold.
The rest of the afternoon I have spent in silence and let me tell you, it's been great.
I would be content to do this all day. I am at Starbucks working on my new computer (that I love) listening to jazz and drinking a hot cup of coffee. So pretty much this girl's version of heaven.
I have had a lot of thinking time today, did some reflecting.
So, I starting my own personal training business last month. I have been working towards this for the past few years but unintentionally. People would call and I would take them on as clients but I viewed it as "side work" I realized after I had an almost full schedule that I was in fact running my own business just unofficially. Weird how that happened.
I named it Crystal Clear Fitness. Cute huh? Little play on words for ya.
I couldn't be happier. Life in my world has been a struggle for the past few years and let me tell you, it feels great to be on the right track.
I am so in love with what I am doing that it doesn't even feel like work.
Isn't that how is should be?
To get here I had to make hard choices, make decisions that people didn't agree with, work hard, work long, be patient, choose joy. Smile.
It goes to show. Things will get better, they always do. My life is a living testimony of that fact.

Bumps on the road

I am frustrated tonight. Maybe I shouldn't write. Maybe I should wait until I am in a better mood, not so tired. Or maybe I will get the feelings out now instead of waiting like I always do.

I am in a weird transitional place in my life. In the past 2 years I have been through a divorce, the repossession of my car, a near foreclosure of my house (decided to do a short sell and it sold and closed within a month. Definitely a God thing and a story I will cover in my Traveling Light Series) The kids and I have moved multiple times, from our house we sold, to my parents house, to an apartment that I LOVED! It represented freedom finally! A new season in our lives. We lived there about 8 months and I was able to keep the kids in their same school last year. This year they told me that if we stayed where we were that the kids would have to change schools. I was unwilling to do this as the kids have been through so much change the past 2 years. Sooo we moved again, back into my parents house while they were in Alaska and most recently into my best friend Jessica's house with her family. This put us back in the neighborhood zoned for the kids school.

I am worn out and frustrated as I do not see an end in sight. Then I feel bad feeling this way as everyone has been so good to me and and the kids. My parents opening their home, Jess and Brandon opening their home and sharing their time and space. I am doing the best I can, working as hard as I can but I feel like I am moving in slow motion. There is nothing more that I want then to move back into a place that is "ours" where I can walk in, drop my stuff on the floor, look around and know that I am providing for my children. I know that the Lord has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I cling to that knowledge daily. He has been with us on this journey as well, I know he has. We may have struggled, but we have never gone without basic necessities.

There are exciting things going on now business wise, I just need to stay focused. I am just venting I suppose and hoping that I am not judged for my negativity at the moment. I know that things are going to turn around. I know that I am going to be successful and I will look back on this challenging time like it was nothing. But right now I am longing for a couch with a fuzzy blanket, a roaring fire and a place I can call my own.