Walking aimlessly

I realized today that the way I feel inside has nothing to do with what I have or don't have.
I am not sure what made me realize it today, but whatever it was made me painfully aware.
When I sit and think, I know that I have everything.
Really, I do.

I have 2 kids I adore, a business that is growing, busy and making money, I have more finances to work with than we have in years, and a network of friends that is unbelieveable.
Who in the world wouldn't be happy with all of that?
Everything is up in the air again.. Is that the source of the discontent?
It's exciting if I think about it..
We can move to a completely different part of town, change schools, change scenery and start fresh..

This is the kind of stuff that thrills me. I love the challenge of not knowing, of needing to figure things out, or having choices and decisions to make.
I spent some time downtown today by myself and I was thinking about what direction I wanted to move in..
I just honestly have no idea what to do.

The feeling of floating aimlessly but being tied down by life reminded me of how I have felt in the past and blamed on other people.
There is nobody to blame that feeling on now.
I am free to make any choice I want, with the kids  blessing of course.
There is nobody to tell me no or try to talk me out of what I want.
That. Is. Freeing.
Yet, I am still struggling.

If I simply think about what I want, it definitely includes possessions I don't have and the fact that I would love to settle down and buy a house but don't think I am financially ready.
In my daydreams, I'd buy a house in East Nashville (where I feel free) and cover it with plants, flowers and art. It would have a fenced backyard where my kids could safely play and an awesome neighborhood/community. My kids would go to a magnet school that allowed them to think outside of the box and not conform to a certain type of learning.

That is what I want.
But really, is that all I want?
If I am honest, the answer is no. I want much more than that.

The key for me right now is to find contentment in my current situation, all the way around.
I've got to get to the bottom of that feeling.